[Conkeror] How does one go about getting custom bindings going?

[A.W.]

Specifically I'm trying to get M-f1 through M-f12 to open specific webpages.
I have defined working functions for them in my conkerorrc(based on
the 'tips' function for binding to a key, but without the key, as it
didn't seem to take "M-f1" as an option.

I seem to be doing the binding wrong, not surprising as I know no javascript.

I put this in the file today, and I finally got the bugs out that were
breaking the whole rc:

/**
 * Setting blag functions, ending RSS reader forever.
 */
create_link_shortcut("open-lse-pipe",
"http://pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/pipe.info?_id=3PHwctj52xGg02vB6kjTQA",
"");
create_link_shortcut("open-ubuntuplanet", "http://planet.ubuntu.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-kdeplanet", "http://planetkde.org", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-gizmodo", "http://www.gizmodo.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-engadget", "http://www.engadget.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-dansface", "http://droe82.stumbleupn.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-gaijinsmash", "http://www.gaijinsmash.net", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-xkcd", "http://www.xkcd.net", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-questionablecontent",
"http://www.questionablecontent.net", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-fanboys", "http://www.fanboys-online.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-xkcdblag", "http://blag.xkcd.com", "");
create_link_shortcut("open-awesomenews",
"http://awesome.naquadah.org/news", "");
/**
 * WORK?? Is this line a waste of time? What am I doing?
 */

require("bindings/default/global.js");

/**
 * Trying to make all those blags work with M-fx, failing.
 */
define_keymap("default_blag_keymap", $parent = default_base_keymap);

define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f1", "open-lse-pipe");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f2", "open-ubuntuplanet");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f3", "open-kdeplanet");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f4", "open-gizmodo");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f5", "open-engadget");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f6", "open-dansface");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f7", "open-gaijinsmash");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f8", "open-xkcd");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f9", "open-questionablecontent");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f10", "open-fanboys");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f11", "open-xkcdblag");
define_key(default_blag_keymap, "M-f12", "open-awesomenews");